January 2025

January has arrived, and with it came a wave of anxiety. Soon, I’ll be embarking on yet another adventure to South East Asia—a region that stirs a mix of emotions within me. Despite having spent 19 years of my life there and calling it home after leaving an eventful life in England, I find it challenging to feel at ease when discussing or revisiting this part of the world. It’s a place that carries both familiarity and discomfort for me.

Growing up, I always felt like I belonged somewhere else. As I began traveling extensively later in life, I realised that I didn’t truly belong anywhere. However, I felt most at home in England when I was living with Mark, my forever soulmate in England. Between 2000 and 2006, during my married life with Mark, we lived in London and Wigan. During that time, I experienced life in the UK both as a housewife and as a part-time worker in various nursing and care homes through a Care Agency in St. Helens. 

We had countless dreams for our future together, but our journey took a heartbreaking turn when we parted ways in 2006, and I had to return to Malaysia due to me not knowing how to renew my spousal visa before expiry and before the loss of my passport. The separation was deeply traumatic—leaving him behind, along with the life I had grown accustomed to with him in the UK, felt like losing a part of myself. I felt so traumatised and alone when I came back to Malaysia alone.

Fate brought us back into each other’s lives in 2008, and in 2010, we reunited in Thailand and Cambodia. However, our time together was fleeting and bittersweet. The region, with its turbulence, chaos, and harsh realities, seemed to conspire against us. From the very start, it felt like our reunion was destined to falter in a place so harsh, chaotic, foreign, and exploitative. 

 

February 2025

I met Mark again after our reunion and separation in November 2024. It was one of the happiest day of my life. We had many interesting conversations on almost any topics under the sun. 

Asia can be extremely brutal and extremely exploitive and one needs to have a strong awareness in order to avoid being manipulated, exploited or mistreated. One can easily get mistreated or abused by them if one is considered disadvantaged - e.g. not as "good" or as "rich" as them or not being liked by them for reasons best known to them.

One also oftentimes had to endure the too many extremely unnecessarily rude, chaotic, horrible encounters at workplaces or public places (as I had experienced too many times in the past) and one may take ages to recover from it. I had experienced the pain of being abused (whilst working for a pittance) while struggling financially, exploited, manipulated and felt all alone in the wilderness throughout the years I have been in Asia. It can be traumatic to be disadvantaged, victimised and bullied in Asia. One just needs to be brave and strong.

Mark needs to prioritise his well-being, especially as he is getting on in age. He was my soulmate and forever will always will be my one and only soulmate. Our journey together began in London back in 2000. Although life pulled us apart many times over the years for one reason or another. We managed to reconnect back again, after a long spell of 14 years. We had been through many difficult circumstances due to us originated from different world. But our love for each other remain strong.  

We reunited in Asia because we truly love each other and we really wanted to be together and work for our future together. I was also genuinely concerned about him and our future together. I guess my own feeling of discomfort, insecurity and instability in a harsh place such as Asia in general contributed mostly to our separation. 

The countless separations from him have been deeply painful and emotionally overwhelming for me. Yet, I know I must press on, finding a way to navigate my daily life in this Asian region, whilst working towards being together forever with him again in a much more peaceful and cozy environment.

Join me in March 2025 as I embark on the next chapter of my life. While it’s challenging for me to open up about difficult or painful moments — especially the traumatic experiences I faced in Asia — I decided to continue writing about the special journey I shared with Mark with the hope that I will eventually get to share many more special moments with Mark again. 

 

March 2025

Early March

I'm feeling optimistic as I look forward to meeting Mark again in two months. I'm already planning to bring along some snacks and nutritious food for him—it's always nice to share thoughtful gestures. Seeing him again in May 2025 will be such a joy!

In the meantime, I'll return to Malaysia and focus on starting my Wendy's Global English online project. But, I guess, focussing on Mark's wellbeing/recovery is much more important. 

Late March

With my travels resuming in May, I've started planning the next phase of my journey through Southeast Asia. This involves plenty of research and making important decisions along the way. It can be a bit exhausting, especially with the limited options for affordable, comfortable, and suitable accommodations. Deciding where to stay with my limited budget is always a challenge!

I was thrilled to connect with Mark via Telegram, even though we're currently living apart. We had a lovely chat about the weather, shared bits about our lives, and more. It was heartwarming to see him in such good spirits.

The following day, Mark chose not to answer my call. Instead, our communication was limited to his recorded messages and text exchanges. I couldn't shake the disappointment—it felt as though he wasn’t interested in hearing the concerns I wanted to share.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

 

May 2025

I longed for a fulfilling family life with Mark  - a dream that I will continue to work on till I achieve it - hopefully soon. Growing up, I often felt a sense of insecurity, a feeling that followed me into adulthood. I found myself constantly striving to survive and adapt in environments or cultures that were far removed from the life I had envisioned.                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

 

JULY 2025

July 2025

I find myself unable to continue writing on my blog due to overwhelming sadness. Mark, the person I hold dearest and who means everything to me, has left me feeling utterly alone in a foreign and unfamiliar part of the world—here in Asia. I don’t blame him; he must have been deeply distressed, struggling to adapt to life in such a harsh culture. 

Returning to the tiny, windowless, bare, empty hut on the remote Cambodian farm—where I once camped with him, with my Decathlon camper bed—was heartbreaking. The hut and my camper bed was still there, unchanged, but he was gone. That moment shattered me, and the image of the empty hut lingers in my mind, refusing to fade. The last time we spoke was via Telegram on July 2, 2025, while I was reluctantly and unhappily checking into a hostel in Vientiane, Laos, due to the border closure between Cambodia and Thailand. The extra cost and the extra long, uncomfortable journey travelling in such a harsh, unfriendly, strange place/border - alone without Mark by my side, caused me to feel even more distressed. Since then, I’ve been desperately retracing my steps, searching for him, and seeking answers. All I’m left with now is an overwhelming sadness that’s difficult to put into words.

All I ever wanted was to share a serene, loving life with him in a peaceful and welcoming place. Will our paths cross again, bringing us back together? Only time holds the answer. 

Right now, I can only hope that, wherever he may be, he reaches out to me again soon.

We've faced our share of disagreements and moments of frustration, but beneath it all, my love for him remains unwavering and as strong as ever. I remain hopeful we will eventually find a permanent home for us to be together forever.l

I know, deep down, that our love for each other is real and unwavering. Yet, life’s unexpected twists and turns have often led us down separate paths during our journey together. The years between 2010 and 2024 marked the longest time we spent apart, and in his absence, I feel an unmistakable void.

When we got back together last year 2024, I was really glad I got to see him again to celebrate his birthday on the 9th November 2024. It was great seeing him again and sharing our lives together again. Will we get to share many more of our birthdays together? I really hope so and I look forward to sharing our older years together.

Perhaps one day, we’ll find ourselves reunited in the UK – the place where our journey together began, where we fell in love, and where we first lived as husband and wife. Will we finally reclaim the family life we’ve worked so hard to build? 

July 19, 2025

For those who have been following my blog and my journey with Mark, you may already know that we parted ways once again in Asia after reuniting there last year. Despite everything, I still hope to return to the UK to find him. I want him to know how deeply I still love him and how much I still long to be with him forever, no matter the challenges, struggles, or frustrations we’ve faced while trying to build a life together. I think we need to stop quarrelling and loving each other more when we meet again, hopefully soon. 

July 28, 2025

I never imagined Mark and I would be separated again after our magical reunion in Asia in November 2024. Despite the challenges and frustrations we faced during that time, my love for him has never wavered. It’s this unwavering love that drives me to return to the UK, hoping to find him and care for him once more.

Being together with him has always been the sole purpose of my life especially ever since I got married to him more than 20 years ago. We married on 30th July 2001 in a simple civil registry marriage in Malaysia - witnessed by two strangers. 

The fact that he traveled all the way from the UK to marry me in Malaysia was incredibly touching. It filled my heart with hope and a promise of a lifetime of togetherness with him. 

He brings joy, meaning, and purpose to my life. Together, we share our journey, supporting each other through every challenge, building a bond that feels truly unbreakable. We are each other's home, and my deepest desire is to always be by his side.

Despite the uncertainties ahead, I have decided to return to the UK. This journey requires sacrifice, including dipping into my savings, but it's a step I'm willing to take in order to seek him. Hopefully, he is safe and well in UK.

July 30, 2025

I just realised that today, July 30, 2025, marks 24 years since I married Mark! Although we are currently apart, I remain hopeful about mending our one-of-a-kind marriage, which has weathered so many challenges and painful separations.

 

August 2025

August 1, 2025

With my Wendy's Global English project on hold indefinitely, I decided it is more important to shift my focus toward plans to get in touch with Mark. There are so many conflicting stories as with regard Mark's whereabouts. I am not sure either. I only hope that I am on the right path in my attempt to get in touch with him. His wellbeing is most important to me. I worry about him constantly. 

Ever since my traumatic separation from Mark in Cambodia, I've been focused on planning my journey back to the UK to seek him. The trip from Malaysia to the UK will be long and challenging, but my determination to reconnect with him outweighs any hardship or any difficulty that I may have to encounter in order to get back to him.

I am hoping to return to the UK by mid-October, driven by the hope of finding him and reestablishing our connection. While I know he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself, I deeply want to be by his side again.

Being able to once again share more adventures and create more memories together with him in UK would make me feel fulfilled again. 

I eagerly await the day we reunite in the UK. Despite being unable to contact him right now, I choose to remain optimistic. Turning this dream into a beautiful reality is something I deeply cherish and look forward to with all my heart.

Seeing him again will fill my life with joy once more.

xxxxx

August 2, 2025

Regular readers of my blog may already know that my decision to return to the UK stems largely or mainly from my longing to reconnect with Mark. However, this journey is not just about rekindling a relationship; it’s also about revisiting the places that once felt like home.

Blackpool, Wigan, St Helens, and Liverpool—each of these towns has been a cherished home at various points in my life. They hold a treasure trove of memories that I deeply value. I can’t wait to visit them again, especially as I hope to reconnect with Mark during my journey. 

xxxxx

August 3, 2025

Another Sunday passes, and once again, I find myself alone—without Mark by my side. Some of my fondest memories are the conversations we shared, even when we didn’t see eye to eye. Those moments meant so much to me, and I can only hope we’ll have many more meaningful discussions when we hopefully reconnect again in UK.  

I can hardly put into words the deep sadness I feel whenever I'm apart from Mark—a profound loneliness that defies description. Being separated from him has been incredibly painful for both of us, especially during our time in Asia, where life's challenges seemed to conspire to pull us even further apart.

xxxxx

August 5, 2025

There are so many uncertainties that I have to put up with as I plan for my travel back to UK. Will I get to have another reunion with Mark in UK?  The numerous separations from him has taken a toll on me.

Yet, I hold onto the hope that this journey will bring me closer to the peace and connection I so desperately seek.

xxxxx

August 14, 2025

It is almost definite now that I will be returning to UK this coming October 2025. I wanted so much to see Mark again. 

xxxxx

August 27, 2025

I miss Mark more than words can express. The pain of being apart from him feels overwhelming, and I find myself longing for the day he reaches out to me again. All I want is to feel close to him once more. Being together with him means the world to me.

                                                                               

August 30, 2025

I truly hope Mark isn’t upset with me anymore. When he’s not grumpy, he’s such an incredible person to be around—his company is genuinely delightful. I sincerely appreciate all the thoughtful things he’s done for me, like fixing my Decathlon camper bed so I could sleep comfortably. 

xxxxx

September 7, 2025

It was one of the happiest days of my life when Mark and I were reunited at a pineapple farm in Stueng Treng, Cambodia, in November 2024, though it was also  filled with many challenges and distressing events at the farm that led to our traumatic separation. 

September 20, 2025

It has been almost three months since I last spoke to Mark via Telegram. I miss him so much. I just hope he is getting much better social support in UK and is resettling back in the UK and back to his old self again. I hope he will check out my blog and feel my love for him. Many a times, I think about how much we used to share and how our conversations always brought me so much comfort and joy. Those memories remind me of how special our bond was, and I hope that one day, we can reconnect and pick up where we left off. For now, I will continue to write, pouring my thoughts into these entries, hoping they somehow bridge the distance between us.

 

September 23, 2025

After our eventful reunion in Cambodia in November 2024. I truly hope we can have an even more meaningful reunion in the UK soon. We dreamed of exploring places like the Bay of Naples. Those moments feel almost like a distant dream now, but I still hold on to the hope that we’ll reconnect soon, even if we don’t make it to the Bay of Naples. There’s so much left unsaid, so much left to experience, and I deeply believe that our paths will cross again.  Those nights we spent together at the pineapple farm in Cambodia were truly special moments. We shared stories, laughter, and silent moments that spoke louder than words. It was during those nights that I felt the depth of our bond. Even if life has taken us in different directions, I believe those memories are a testament to how meaningful our connection truly is. I hope we can create more moments like those, wherever life leads us next.

 

October 2025

I miss him deeply. After everything we’ve been through—the trials, the challenges, and the countless hurdles we’ve faced to be together—being apart from him now feels unbearably painful.

I truly hope Mark reaches out to me again and let me know how he's doing, wherever life may have taken him. I genuinely miss our conversations. I know both of us are hurting and may not see the point of getting back together again.

It made me reflect on how crucial emotional (and financial) support is, especially during moments of transition and struggle. Relationships thrive when both partners feel understood and valued, yet it's so easy to overlook the importance of simply being present and offering comfort. Looking back now, I’ve realized the significance of self-awareness in such situations. Understanding my own limitations and why I struggled to offer the support he needed has been an eye-opening journey. Growth within a relationship often begins with personal growth, and acknowledging these shortcomings has encouraged me to work on bettering myself, not just for him, but for the sake of fostering a healthier connection in the future.

Cambodia wasn’t my home and I struggled as an outsider. I found myself struggling to adapt to the harsh conditions of Asia. 

My return to the UK is driven by my deep desire to reconnect with him. Hopefully, he is really back in his homeland where he left more than ten years ago to be reunited with me in Asia. The challenge, however, is that I have no idea where to begin my search.

 

November 8, 2025

Tomorrow is Mark's birthday. I miss him so much. I just hope I get to see him soon.

 

November 18, 2025

It’s heartbreaking to think that he once said he loved me, yet still chose to leave me alone in this part of Asia. Hoping to find him, I returned to the pineapple farm in Stueng Treng, Cambodia, but his so-called Cambodian friend repost a message from him saying - he had got himself deported back to the UK. However, when I traveled back to the UK to search for him, his so-called brother confused me further as with regard his whereabouts. This confusing and painful situation has left me feeling lost.

I will continue to cling on to my dream of getting back together with him again despite the many challenges and obstacles.

 

November 28, 2025

I’ve updated my profile picture on X once again! This time, I chose a sketch of a selfie I took at a hostel in 2024. It was a digital sketch (from my selfie) done by Mark. It looks quite like me.  The sketch not only captures my likeness but also the essence of that moment—a mix of adventure, spontaneity, and connection. It’s funny how a simple image can bring back such vivid memories.

As 2025 comes to a close, I thought it would be a great time to share this sketch on X once more, bringing back fond memories of that moment I just hope and wish I get to have another reunion with my forever one and only soulmate, Mark in the year of 2026.

 

December 1, 2025

Today, I want to talk about Mark, my one and only true soulmate. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop thinking about him - I can't. I just miss him too much. Despite everything that's happened in the past, I still hold onto hope that we can find our way back to each other. My love for him remains strong, and I truly wish to mend what was broken between us. 

Will the New Year bring us back together again?

I am filled with deep sorrow over our heartbreaking separation at the pineapple farm in Cambodia. Nothing would bring me greater joy than the chance to see him again in a much more peaceful place.

I still remember—he was the only one who reached out to me when I was in a desperate state and was struggling alone at the Albatross Hostel in London.

After marrying him, I never felt alone again—no matter the distance between us.

He is the most caring, loving, and incredible person I’ve ever known.

Ever since I got to know him and fell in love with him twenty-five years ago, all I wanted was to be with him and I still do even though we are now separated and I don't know where he is right now. It is sad to be in this situation. I long for a home with him but we are now separated again with me not knowing where he is.  Despite the pain of separation, the memories of our time together remain vivid and comforting. I often think back to the laughter we shared, the challenges we overcame as a team, and the dreams we built together. Those cherished moments give me strength, and they remind me of the deep connection we once had. Even though circumstances have pulled us apart, my heart holds onto the hope that our paths may cross again one day.

 

December 17, 2025

In my earlier journal entries, I often expressed hope for a reconciliation with Mark. I will continue to hope and work towards getting in touch with him again even as the pain from what had happened between us in Cambodia still lingers. If he had waited for me to return to the hut on the pineapple farm and if the family at the pineapple farm had the decency to offer him some food whilst I was away, Mark would not had been in such distress. I am really upset about what happened to him at the farm, which caused him to be in such distress and for him to feel so frustrated that he had no choice but to leave the farm abruptly, in such upsetting manner, whilst I was away. He told me they did not offer him some food while I was away and he sounded very distressed. 

In hindsight, I realise it was partly my fault for leaving him alone at the hut. My tourist visa was about to expire, and I needed to address some financial matters, which forced me to leave at that time. I regret not being there to offer him the much needed support he needed during such a challenging moment in a harsh place like Cambodia. (I wish to add here that I was also not provided a meal that is inclusive of the transport fare that I paid to a bus company in Cambodia during one of my cross border travel by bus from Cambodia to Laos). We can only learn from all these unpleasant and distressing experiences so that we can take precautions to avoid similar incidents.

December 21, 2025

Xmas is just around the corner, but all my thoughts are consumed by Mark. I miss him more than words can express, and the idea of spending this season apart fills my heart with sorrow. All I long for is to be by his side, yet here we are, separated once more.

 

December 26, 2025

It was disheartening to spend yet another quiet and solitary Xmas day, feeling all alone, reflecting on my future and what lies ahead.                                                          

 

XXXEnd of my blog for year 2025XXX