January 2026
Readers who have been following my blog may have noticed that I wrote quite a bit about my sadness over my recent separation from my one and only soulmate - Mark Aspinall. I feel very sad that Mark is not together with me as I ushered in the year 2026.
I try to get on with my life with each day hoping that Mark and I will reconnect again in year 2026. Through this painful journey, I’ve also discovered the importance of self-reflection and personal growth. While the hope of reuniting with Mark keeps me going, I’ve also come to realise that this time apart has given me an opportunity to focus on myself and rediscover my passions. Learning new skills, reconnecting with people from around the world, and finding moments of joy in the little things have helped me navigate this challenging period, even as I hold onto the love and memories I shared with Mark.
My heart feels weighed down with sadness as I face yet another day without hearing from Mark. He has brought immense joy, love, and purpose into my life, and now, in his absence, everything feels incomplete and empty.
I will continue to hope that fate will somehow bring us back together again and that we will be back in each other's arms forever. Until that day comes, I will cherish the memories we created, for they are a source of comfort and strength. Every shared laugh, every lingering glance, and every whispered promise remains etched in my heart, a testament to the bond we once had. Love, I believe, has its way of finding those who are truly meant to be. Perhaps the universe is simply waiting for the perfect moment to realign our paths, teaching us lessons in patience and resilience along the way. We may be apart now, but I trust that the thread that connects us is unbreakable, stretching across time and distance until it pulls us together again.
My reunion with him in year November 2024 was the happiest day of my life. But, alas, the reunion was short-lived and was unsettling for we were without a permanent home. I wanted so much to take care of him and get us a cozy home together but we were getting nowhere and the temporary place that he was putting up with a Cambodian family at the pineapple farm in Stueng Treng was getting more problematic as the pineapple project that he was working on seems to be getting nowhere.
Now, I am all alone again. I feel so vulnerable without him by my side. Despite this loneliness, I’ve started to focus on small steps to rebuild my life and find a sense of stability. With each passing day, I try to channel my energy into meaningful activities, such as, exploring creative pursuits, and finding ways to support myself emotionally. It’s not an easy journey, but I am learning to embrace this solitude as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. While the pain of separation lingers, I hold onto the hope that brighter days lie ahead and that this chapter will ultimately lead to strength and resilience I never knew I had.
The incident in Stueng Treng that caused my separation from Mark was deeply distressing and traumatic.
I'm unsure if I will ever fully recover from it.
In addition to the emotional turmoil, the impact of this separation extended into my daily life, affecting my mental health and overall well-being. The constant reminders of our shared experiences haunted me, making it difficult for me to fully to engage in social activities. I found myself living a very isolating and lonely life due to my separation from Mark, which only intensified my feelings of sadness and loneliness. Mark had brought so much joy to my lonely life and I long for the day to get back in touch with him again and be reunited with him forever.
Please note: Another reason (the main reason) I feel so alone and too traumatised to seek another job is due to a very bad experience working with a socalled d centre in South East Asia (I do not wish to specifically mention it for fear of more unfair repercussions - more than five years ago. Luckily, I got some savings and able to cope with living frugally most of the time. I just hope I don't suffer from malnutrition with my limited savings.
I guess, even though I am upset with him, I miss him deeply and long to be with him again. The complexity of our emotions is often overwhelming; love and frustration coexist, creating a whirlwind of feelings that are hard to navigate. The moments we shared, filled with laughter and connection, linger in my mind, drawing me back to a time when everything felt right. As I reflect on our relationship, I realise that the bond we formed is not easily forgotten, reinforcing the idea that true love can withstand even the toughest of times. Perhaps, in this struggle, there's an opportunity for growth and understanding that could eventually lead us back to each other, stronger than before.
Another essential aspect to consider is the role of communication in healing. Open dialogue can bridge the emotional gap that distance has created. By expressing our feelings, both the hurt and the longing, we create space for vulnerability and honesty, which are vital for rebuilding trust. This exchange not only helps clarify misunderstandings but also allows us to reconnect on a deeper level, fostering empathy and compassion. Through effective communication, we can explore the depths of our emotions and pave the way for reconciliation, reinforcing the foundation of our relationship. I guess sometimes in my desperation to get back together with Mark, I can only cling on to the hope that somehow fate will bring us back together again.
May 2026
It looks like my “Teach English with Poems” project (TEP for short) will need to be put on hold indefinitely. Since our traumatic separation in Cambodia last year, I have been deeply worried about Mark. I think about him constantly and I need to know that he is well and hopefully still wants us to get back together.
I truly hope that Mark and I can finally reunite and find peace with each other after all our challenging experiences in Asia. Life in this region can be extremely difficult and harsh; despite the sunny weather, circumstances can shift dramatically if one isn't mindful of the numerous pitfalls that come with living here.
In the meantime, I need to focus on planning another lengthy and challenging overland journey through Malaysia, Thailand, Laos, and Cambodia since his brother mistakenly informed that he was still in Cambodia. But, the private investigator informed me for certain that Mark had already left Cambodia. I wasted a lot of time travelling and wasted a lot of money only to find out Mark had already left Cambodia.
I worry about his well-being and our future together. If we are unable to settle in the UK, where will we go next?
23rd May 2026
Recreated my FB page after having deleted it numerous times in the past due to various concerns. Hopefully, there will be less concerns about having a Facebook page. Anyway, I recreated my Facebook page mainly to look for Mark. I feel so alone in this world. I feel more secure with Mark by my side even though we have many disagreements and differences in the past.
24th May 2026
I find myself feeling utterly exhausted when I think about Mark. All I ever wanted was his love and companionship. That’s truly all I sought—his presence in my life. While I do feel upset with him, I don’t hold him responsible for our separation or for my current situation.
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26th May 2026
I cannot blame Mark for what had happened to us in Asia. Asia can be a very harsh place for even an easygoing, high-achiever, motivated individual like myself. Life can be very unfair, especially for me who have to live in Asia out of no choice. I have nothing much in common with their Asian culture. I feel much more comfortable with the mostly Western norms in UK that allows me the freedom to be comfortable with my own independence (of thought) and individuality. That is another reason why I crave for us to be reunited and back in UK. I wanted to be with him only and do things together in our very own cosy home in UK. I miss our simple life in UK.
Another aspect that weighs heavily on my heart is the cultural dissonance I experienced during my time in Asia. The vibrant customs and traditions, while fascinating, often felt overwhelming and isolating. I longed for the familiarity of our shared experiences back in the UK, where our values aligned seamlessly. The struggle to navigate daily life in a foreign environment such as Asia only intensified my yearning for us to be back in UK living a normal life.
I guess I was very upset about our unfortunate situations in Asia after our unfortunate move there. My own unstable financial predicament at that time did indeed worsen our problems in Cambodia which had sadly led to our long separation.
Another factor that contributed to our difficulties was the cultural disconnect we faced while living abroad. Moving to a new country comes with its own set of challenges, and adapting to the local customs and lifestyle was not easy for either of us. I often felt isolated and overwhelmed by the stark differences in social norms and expectations, which only added to the strain on our relationship. This cultural barrier made it difficult for us to communicate effectively in their societies, leading to misunderstandings and further distance between us during a time when we needed each other the most.
However, it's essential to reflect on how this experience has shaped my personal growth. The time apart has forced me to confront my own feelings and desires, leading to a deeper understanding of what I truly want in a relationship. This journey of self-discovery has not only made me more resilient but has also clarified my values and priorities moving forward. I now realise that while love is important, so is the need for independence and self-fulfilment.
27th May 2026
Will I get to be reunited with Mark? Or am I destined to spend the rest of my life alone in this world? I would much prefer to share my life with Mark.
31st May 2026
I miss Mark deeply. I cherish the wonderful memories of our Sundays spent together in London and Wigan. We shopped and enjoyed simple meals that I prepared just for us. Those moments truly were some of the happiest times we shared together.
I hold onto the hope that we will find our way back to each other again.
I am keen to return to my care work in UK and look after Mark at the same time. I think going back to UK will enable us to resume our marital relationship and it will also be a more conducive environment for us to rebuild our family life.
1st June 2026
I hope Mark will stay true to his promise to be with me forever. I am worried about Mark's wellbeing as well as my future if I don't get to achieve reconciliation with Mark. I just hope Mark will get back in touch with me soon.
3rd June 2026
Leaving Cambodia without being able to reach Mark was incredibly disappointing. However, I refuse to lose hope of reconnecting with him in the future and getting back together with him again in UK. I believe it’s important to not let external circumstances diminish my strong desire to reach out to Mark again.
I miss him so much. I hope he gets to read my journal and realise how much I still love him.
6th June 2026
Here I am on a Saturday afternoon, thinking about all the lovely Saturdays spent together with Mark - my one and only Mark Aspinall - my forever soulmate. I miss hime so much.
I just hope he is ok and will get in touch with me soon.
8th June 2026
It deeply saddens me that I am presently not with Mark. I feel so alone in this world. We traveled to Asia together, and I hope we can leave the place together as well. There are still so many things I want to share with him. I cherish the time we spent together and the special moments we created. The trauma from our separation in Cambodia still lingers in my heart. Are we destined to be together again? I sincerely hope so. I will continue to strive for our reunion. He is the only person I am married to, and I dream of sharing the rest of my life with him.
I constantly worry about my future all alone in this part of the world called South East Asia - too many traumatic incidents happened to me personally and the constant feeling of insecurity and feeling alienated all the time despite me being from this part of the world! it left a scar on me.
However, it’s important to recognise that every experience, good or bad, contributes to personal growth. While navigating through challenging situations can be disheartening, they often teach resilience and adaptability. The ability to reflect on these experiences can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself and a greater appreciation for the positive moments that punctuate our journeys. Embracing both the highs and lows can ultimately foster a more balanced perspective, allowing us to move forward with newfound strength.
Countless times, I have worked hard to avoid feeling discouraged or sad about my situation, which is often shaped by cultural differences and circumstances beyond my control. At every opportunity, I strive to enhance my quality of life with the limited resources at my disposal, seeking to reclaim my independence through travelling and finding a place that eventually I could settle down with Mark.
Mark's homeland, the UK, remains the ideal place for both Mark and me to return to, if circumstances allow or if our circumstances improve.
One of the key reasons for my desire to return is the rich cultural heritage that the UK offers. From historic landmarks to vibrant arts scenes, the UK is a tapestry of predominantly Western traditions and modern influences. Exploring the many interesting places in the UK, attending local festivals, and experiencing the diverse culinary landscape would not only enrich our lives but also provide a deep connection to Mark's roots.
I cherish the many wonderful memories of Mark and me unwinding together after work, enjoying our simple meal together and English dramas side by side in our cozy room in our rented accommodation in London and Wigan. Thus, going back to UK will be best for Mark's wellbeing and for both of us.
This cultural immersion is something I cherish and look forward to as I envision my future with Mark in the UK. I know Mark miss his homeland. I miss being together with him, cooking and cleaning for him and sharing many special, happy moments with him in UK too.
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10th June 2026
It deeply saddens me that Mark had to endure so much suffering in Cambodia during our separation. We traveled there to be together, yet we found ourselves separated. it is sad that both of us had to experience too many traumatic incidents during our separation. Southeast Asia can be a challenging place to navigate alone. I sincerely hope that Mark and I can reunite and emerge from these traumatic experiences unscathed.
11th June 2026
I regret that we ever traveled to Cambodia.
I miss Mark deeply. I long for the comfort of having him by my side right now. My heart yearns for a simple life together in our cozy, warm home in the UK. I truly miss our shared moments together, and I miss Mark more than words can express.
13th June 2026
I will continue my search for Mark or wait for him to get in touch with me again.
In addition to my commitment to Mark, I have also realised the importance of self-discovery during this time apart. While waiting for him, I have taken the opportunity to explore my own interests, which has allowed me to grow as an individual.
14th June 2026
I hope Mark will get in touch with me soon. I hope we will eventually get to see the light at the end of the tunnel
Why must we be apart when our love for each other remains so strong? I hold onto the hope that our deep affection will one day bring us back together again.
I truly hope we can share more joyful moments and quality time together for the rest of our days on this earth.
One of the most challenging aspects of our separation is the emotional toll it takes on us. Not being able to take care of his personal needs while living apart is also very distressing for me. I really want him to be happy and for us to be happy with each other. Distance can create feelings of loneliness and longing, making it difficult to maintain a deep connection. However, the time apart can also serve as an opportunity for personal growth and reflection. By focusing on our individual journeys, we can come back stronger and more appreciative of the bond we share. When we finally reunite, which I truly hope so - we can bring new experiences and perspectives that enrich our relationship, allowing us to create even more meaningful memories together.
When we chose Thailand as the destination for our reunion, we didn't realise the too many difficulties and challenges that lay ahead. That was our first mistake. Our second mistake was deciding to continue our journey to Cambodia, which turned out to be a significant mistake that led us to separate. However, I believe in learning from our bad experiences in life and not let the too many upsetting experiences affect us too much. But, after experiencing too many unpleasant incidents in Asia, I do feel very upset though I try not to feel too upset about it. I just get on with my life as best as I can.
15 June 2026
I hope Mark is safely back in UK. If he is safely back in UK, I am not too worried about his wellbeing. But I miss him so much and I hope I can be back with him in UK soon.
In addition to my longing to reunite with Mark, I often think about the adventures we could have together once I am back together with him. It is always interesting and comforting being together with him or just chatting with him. Exploring the picturesque landscapes, visiting historic landmarks, and enjoying cozy evenings in local cafes are just a few of the experiences I yearn to share with him. The thought of creating new memories together fills me with excitement and hope, making the distance feel a little more bearable.
16 June 2026
My journey to get back in touch with Mark will continue till I get back together with him again. I can understand why he was upset with me but I hope I don't upset him again after we get back together. We got separated many times and still managed to get back together despite all the obstacles and challenges.
One important aspect of our relationship that I need to focus on is communication. In the past, misunderstandings often led to unnecessary conflicts between us that led us to drift apart but I am positive our deep love for each other will always lead us back together again. I believe that by openly discussing our feelings and expectations, we can create a stronger foundation for our relationship. Taking the time to listen to each other and express our thoughts will help us navigate through any future challenges together, ensuring that we remain connected and supportive of one another.
17 June 2026
I was genuinely moved to discover that Mark still treasures our very first special loving moments together in the UK. I, too, remember those times with great affection and warmth. I hope we can create many more special moments. This is another reason why my love for him endures (despite our many problems with each other), and why I am eager to get back together with him.
My love for Mark has led me to embark on numerous overland journey through Southeast Asia in search of him ever since our unfortunate separation in South East Asia. The path was filled with challenges and discomfort, yet by the end of the adventure, I realised I had gained something invaluable: a deeper inner strength to face whatever future obstacles may arise. Ultimately, I hope to reconnect with him get ourselves back in UK again. That is my dream.
I truly hope to reconnect with Mark in the UK, the place where our friendship first blossomed. The bond we share is so strong that, despite the numerous problems and distance between us, I still feel incredibly close to him. Strange but true. We are not meant to be separated but somehow we got separated by circumstances that was beyond our control. Now, I can only hope and work towards finding my way back to him again.
In addition to our shared memories, I often reflect on the lessons we learned together during our time apart. Each challenge and obstacle has taught us resilience and the importance of nurturing our connection, even from afar. I believe that these experiences have only strengthened our friendship, and trust for each other, making it more profound and meaningful. As I work towards reuniting with Mark, I carry these lessons with me, eager to create new memories and deepen our bond in the vibrant backdrop of the UK.
24 June 2026
I miss Mark dearly. It has been almost a year since our separation, and I often find myself hoping he is safe and on the path to recovery. I believe that we will be together again soon. Our love for each other is strong, and although circumstances have kept us apart, I remain hopeful for our reunion.
In the meantime, I find comfort in the memories we created together. Each moment spent with him was filled with laughter and love, and I often revisit those cherished times to keep my spirits up. Whether it was our late-night talks or spontaneous adventures, those memories remind me of the bond we share. I believe that these experiences will guide us back to each other, and I hold onto the hope that our love can withstand the distance and challenges we face.
Mark is the love of my life. Without him by my side, I feel lost and alone.
Every day, I dream of our future together back in UK —sharing a life filled with simple joys. I imagine us taking long walks, enjoying nutritious meals, and creating beautiful memories side by side.
27 June 2026
Edited my website today. Included a photo/sketch of Mark and myself - taken during our reunion at a cafe in Cambodia in November 2025, Added also a lovely photo of Mark with his thumbs up - my favourite photo!
I often find myself anxious about my future and fearful of the prospect of facing this harsh world alone. I hold onto the hope of being back in Mark's loving arms. I miss him deeply and feel a sense of security when he is by my side.XXX
1 July 2026
Every day, I eagerly anticipate reconnecting with Mark, despite the lingering feelings of hurt related to the many unpleasant events in Cambodia. We went there to be together, yet we ended up separated. I never wanted to be separated from him. I only wanted to be with him. I had relied on him for my happiness and sense of security.
XXX
2 July 2026
Two days ago, something strange happened—I found myself unable to access my Facebook account, which I had painstakingly rebuilt. It was a distressing experience to be left in the dark about why my account was suspended, and the process of appealing added to the frustration. I tried not to feel upset about this but I just feel very upset about having my Facebook suspended for no valid reasons!
After numerous frustrating experiences with Facebook, I've come to realize that it's not worth my time trying to uncover the reasons behind my suspended account. It feels as though Facebook lacks respect for my personal space and individuality. Having my newly created page suspended on a whim is truly disheartening. This has been the final straw for me.
xxx
7 July 2026
My Facebook account has been reinstated, and I received an apology from them for the unwarranted suspension. However, after careful consideration, I've decided to delete my account. The hassles of using Facebook outweigh the benefits, and I no longer feel secure on the platform, despite the many interesting posts and groups I'd like to explore and connect with. Regardless, my search for Mark will continue, even without Facebook's assistance.
xxx
10 July 2026
Another day goes by, and I find myself longing for my beloved Mark to be back in my life. I miss him deeply. I truly hope that we can reunite soon and create countless joyful memories together again soon.
XXX
18 July 2026
I received news from my private investigator that Mark is most certainly no longer in Cambodia. That means Mark is most certainly back in UK while I am here alone in Malaysia. I really will like to visit him in UK but where in UK he is now? I long to be back in his loving arms. I hope he is safely back in UK and thinking of me as I do think of him a lot. I am very keen to rebuild our marriage life in UK and hopefully rebuild a cozy home for both of us in a much more stable environment. I think we don't need a lot of money to be together.
Another thought that weighs heavily on my mind is how to bridge the distance between us. The time apart has been challenging, and I often find myself reminiscing about our shared moments. I wonder if he feels the same way, and if he is also counting down the days until we can be together again. Perhaps I should start planning a surprise visit or even a virtual date to keep our connection alive until I can be with him in person. The anticipation of seeing him again fuels my hope and determination to make it happen. I really do miss him so much. The wedding rings that he gave me more than twenty years ago is still with me. I feel comforted that I have my wedding rings to wear them close to my heart.
We had many shared adventures together in Thailand and Cambodia. He took many photos of his other travels around Asia. I hope when we meet again, he can show them to me again. I really miss chatting with him. I feel so lonely without him by my side. I hope I can get in touch with him soon.
22 July 2026
I remain hopeful that my private investigator will continue to assist me in my quest to reconnect with Mark. I understand this may be a challenging journey, but I hold onto the hope that we will reunite soon. I envision us camping together and rebuilding our life as a couple in the UK. Although the road ahead is not easy—given all we've endured during our separation—I believe our love for each other is still strong enough to bring us back together. I cherish his companionship and the stories he shares.
xxx
28 July 2026
In just two days, Mark Aspinall and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. He is, and always will be, the most special person in my life. Despite our current separation and not knowing his whereabouts, I feel incredibly fortunate to be his wife. I miss him dearly, especially reminiscing about our time in the UK, particularly our regular grocery trips to the market in Wigan. I long to return there with him, to walk down memory lane once more.
I eagerly anticipate our reunion in the UK, when I can shower him with hugs and kisses. I long for the return of my loving husband, Mark.
xxx
31 July 2026
I wish to return to the UK to search for my beloved Mark. I want to care for him as a devoted wife should. It saddens me that I have been unable to care for him or support him during our time apart.
xxx
12 August 2026
Every day, I dream on seeing Mark again in England. It is almost like the only thing to cure my loneliness is to see him again and to be with him again. I miss him so much. I want to rekindle our love for each other. It has not been easy for us struggling with the harsh culture in South East Asia and feeling alienated. I want to be back with him in UK and hopefully rebuild a home for both of us, perhaps somewhere in the world that may be more welcoming, less harsh and more affordable.
xxx
17 August 2026
Will I get to see Mark again? Reuniting with him in UK would truly be a dream come true. xxx
19 August 2026
Will I be able to reconnect with Mark when I return to the UK in four months? We've parted ways numerous times for various reasons, yet we've always found our way back to each other. I believe our love remains strong, and I am hopeful that I can reach out to Mark once again.
At the same time, I also constantly feel terrified and anxious that I may not be able to get in touch with my darling husband. I never wanted to separate from him. It is just my unfortunate circumstances and being troubled about my situations that mainly caused our separation. xxx
Another overwhelming aspect of this separation is the emotional toll it takes on both of us. The distance not only amplifies my fears but also creates a void that is hard to fill. I find myself reminiscing about the many lovely moments we shared, which makes the longing even more intense. Each day apart feels like an eternity, and the uncertainty of when we will reunite adds to my stress. I often worry about how this prolonged separation might affect our relationship, and I desperately hope that we can find a way to navigate through these challenges together.
14 Sept 2026
I still have no news from Mark. I contacted another investigation company in the UK to help locate him, but they were unable to assist me as well. I have decided to travel to the UK to search for him.
We found love with each other in the UK, and I hope we will be reunited there again soon. I miss him so much and constantly worry about him. I long to be by his side again, sharing the many special moments we have had together.
17 Sept 2026
I wish I could be with Mark right now. I hope I can get in touch with him when I arrive in the UK, but I honestly do not know where to begin. I am also worried about my limited budget and hope it will stretch far enough to allow me to stay a little bit longer whilst I try my best to reach him. I no longer keen to return to the UK, but I am still very eager to contact Mark and find out what has happened to him. I am still his wife, and I love him very much. I am only returning to UK because I wanted so desperately to get in touch with Mark and to ensure that he is ok. I feel so homeless and so aimless without Mark by my side. I want to take care of him and ensure we have a happy future together. It was always fun to be together with Mark and making future plans together with him. I feel so anxious and worried about my return to UK since I have not heard from Mark for more than a year.
Will I finally be able to get in touch with Mark in the UK?
Will I be able to hug and kiss him, and shower him with all my love?
I feel scared and anxious, but I still want to stay positive about reconnecting with my beloved Mark.
Travelling all the way from Malaysia to the UK to look for him can be exhausting, but I hope my hard work and sincere efforts to reconnect with him will be come true.
I do not want to give up because I still love him deeply and am genuinely concerned about his wellbeing. He will be 64 this coming November, and I hope we will still have many opportunities to share many happy years together.
I pray for good health and contentment in what little we have. More than anything, I want to be by his side and share many happy moments with him.
I truly appreciate everything he did for me, especially coming all the way from the UK to be with me more than ten years ago. I am saddened that we did not have the opportunity to spend more time together. Hopefully, I will get to reconnect with him in the UK again. Hopefully, I will be able to make a greater effort to show him how much I appreciate and love him.
xxx
I’m not looking forward to returning to the UK, but I am looking forward to seeking him once I arrive. But I don't even know where to start looking for him. I tried VILCOL - a private investigation company based in UK - but they were unable to me to get in touch with Mark. Crest Hawk was unable to provide further assistance either. I felt so disappointed especially since I had to fork out quite a lot for their fees. It feels like another wasted expenditure. I am struggling with my dwindling savings. I have to put aside for my dental and other expenses. I have to be very frugal with my expenses.
I don't really want to return to the UK, but the one thing drawing me back is Mark—my soulmate. If I can find out what happened to him and meet up with him again, the long journey from Kuala Lumpur (transit in Dubai) to Heathrow will not feel like another wasted trip. I truly hope I can reconnect with him when I return to the UK.
What happened to both of us in Cambodia was deeply painful for me. Our separation in Cambodia was very painful for me especially I had wanted so much to start a new life with him there. It did not work out. The place there was too harsh for us to be together. I did not want to leave him alone in the windowless hut at the pineapple farm in Stueng Treng, Cambodia. However, my one-month visitor visa was about to expire, and I had no choice but to leave. I was heartbroken when I left, although I planned to return within a few weeks with more food supplies.
The journey back to Malaysia was long and difficult. I crossed the land border from Cambodia into Laos, then travelled through Thailand before returning to Malaysia. As I was not keen on flying, I chose to make the entire journey by land. Crossing multiple borders with an expiring visa was challenging and uncomfortable, and the harsh conditions along the way made it even more frightening. I tried to endure the discomfort, but I wished I had not had to leave Mark alone at that time. It broke my heart that Mark was not travelling with me. I felt so alone.
The short video clip showed him carrying a large, heavy container filled with water in the pouring rain. It was upsetting to watch—someone at the farm could have helped him. I wish I was there helping him.
Cambodia was too harsh for both of us. We made a mistake. I never imagined we had to suffer so much just because we innocently wanted to start a new life together in Cambodia. I hope other travellers would avoid the place.
I know Mark did his best for me, and I don’t blame him for what happened to us in Cambodia. It was not the right place to begin a new life, and I know none of it was his fault.
I know we love each other very much.
xxx
24 Sept 2026
I am keen to get in touch with Mark again and hopefully he is safely back in UK and recovering from all the trauma of living in a different world. I too feel traumatised but I am not going to affect me too much. I wish I don't have to travel back to England but I am really keen to find out what happened to Mark. Is he really back safely in England? I also feel very alone and afraid for my future.
I am also concerned about the expenses of travelling all the way from Malaysia to England. My return flight alone has already cost the equivalence of nearly £500. I also need to budget for my accommodation, food, transport and other expenses.
That means I have to be very frugal with my spending since I don't have other income coming in besides my savings.
I shall see how I cope with my limited budget.
I met Mark in London in March 2001. I was in a dire circumstances but somehow Mark came into my life at the cramped hostel where we were staying, and brought some happiness to my life.
What I remember most is his kindness during those uncertain days. Mark had a way of making me feel special. I feel very grateful to him for sharing his life with me and making my life meaningful wit his thoughtful and loving gestures such as - a shared meal, a walk through the city, or a conversation that lasted late into the night. His friendship reminded me that even in difficult circumstances, unexpected connections can offer hope and a reason to keep moving forward.
Soon after he proposed and we got married in Malaysia on 30 July 2001. He came all the way to Malaysia to marry me!
I was really touched. I never felt loved by anyone before I met him.
What meant the most was the way he made me feel seen, heard, and valued in the little moments. His kindness showed me that love can be patient, genuine, and safe.
But our marriage went through some tough times too due to the difficulties in obtaining a spousal visa which I eventually did got one but unfortunately, I lost my passport before I was supposed to renew it. This led to another of our long separation which was very traumatic for me as I was living quite a settled life with him in Wigan at that time.
We lived happily together for a time in London and Wigan. I had hoped we would settle down forever in our cozy flat in Wigan, but I became increasingly worried about my lost passport and financial related matters. Reluctantly, I returned to Malaysia in 2006, never realizing that my decision to leave would lead to our long separation.
The distance that followed was painful for both of us. Although we tried to stay connected through calls and messages, the time apart brought uncertainty and sadness into our lives. What had begun as a temporary return home became years of waiting, hoping, and trying to find a way back to the life we had planned together.
We eventually did managed to be reunited in Thailand in 2010. I was so happy to be back with him again. But it was a period of instability for both of us as well. He took his TESOL in Phuket while I stayed together with him till he completed the course. Then we travel onwards to Phnom Penh as we thought it might be a better place to get jobs and to start a new life together. But, the chaos and the harsh environment was extremely tough on me. It was tough for him as well. But I guess he coped better than me. Not surprisingly, I was not happy there and decided to go back to Malaysia. But, I miss him so much that I continued to go back to Phnom Penh, whenever possible to visit him. I know he was disappointed with me for leaving him alone but I did not really wanted to leave him alone at that time. I was feeling scared. I guess fear of the unknown can sometimes cause us to make bad decisions that lead to further trauma.
We somehow got back together again, and again, and hopefully we will get back together again. It will be magical if we get to be back together again. I will patiently wait for the day.
xxx
25 Sept 2026
In addition to my concerns about the colder winter weather, I would also need to consider the safety aspects of staying at an open campsite. There is a lot to think about beyond my budget, including finding safe, affordable accommodation. Most importantly, though, I hope to get in touch with Mark soon.
xxx
2 Oct 2026
In another month I will embark on another journey back to UK but I feel so discouraged and filled with doubts as to whether this journey will lead me back to Mark.
To be honest, I am tired of travelling. But the prospect of seeing Mark again—and being to finally learn what had happened to him—filled me with hope that this journey would somehow be worth the effort and all the planning.
If I don’t get the chance to meet Mark again, should I simply be content to carry on with my life alone?
I longed for a stable life with Mark in an affordable home, but we ended up separating many times. I tried not to dwell on the sadness and instead remain optimistic about my future.
Right now, I am unsure whether to continue my journey to England to find Mark or wait for him to contact me. I feel as though I am in limbo.
XXX
4 Oct 2026
I feel strongly that I have to continue with my journey and plans in getting back in touch with Mark because I still love him very much and I owe it to him for bringing so much happiness and meaning to my life. We were together and we will always be together.
At the same time, I want to approach my journey with honesty, patience, and respect for both of our feelings. Reconnecting should mean listening to what Mark wants as well as sharing what is in my heart, without pressure or expectations. No matter what happens, I can appreciate the love and memories we shared while making space for healing, clarity, and a healthy path forward.
I understand Mark had no intention of leaving me alone. He had always tried his best to be together with me. I can understand his frustration with me. I just need to be more patient and more loving towards him when or if we get back together again.
Another important part of moving forward is learning how to communicate more openly and calmly. Rather than letting hurt feelings or misunderstandings build up, I want to make space for honest conversations where we can both feel heard and understood. If we have the opportunity to reconnect, I hope we can approach each other with more compassion, more respect, and more willingness to work through challenges together.
xxx
8 October 2026
I miss Mark so much. We always had so much fun whenever we were together, that is when we were not upset with each other.
I posted a message on the Wigan World forum regarding Mark, and I hope someone there may be able to help me reconnect with him. I have also contacted reporters at Wigan Today about my search for Mark, and I hope they may be able to assist as well.
For now, I decided not to continue writing on my blog until I’ve reconnected with Mark.
xxx