January 2026

Readers who have been following my blog may have noticed that I wrote quite a bit about my sadness over my recent separation from my one and only soulmate - Mark Aspinall. I feel very sad that Mark is not together with me as I ushered in the year 2026. 

I try to get on with my life with each day hoping that Mark and I will reconnect again in year 2026. Through this emotional journey, I’ve also discovered the importance of self-reflection and personal growth. While the hope of reuniting with Mark keeps me going, I’ve also come to realise that this time apart has given me an opportunity to focus on myself and rediscover my passions. Learning new skills, reconnecting with people from around the world, and finding moments of joy in the little things have helped me navigate this challenging period, even as I hold onto the love and memories I shared with Mark.

My heart feels weighed down with sadness as I face yet another day without hearing from Mark. He has brought immense joy, love, and purpose into my life, and now, in his absence, everything feels incomplete and empty.

I will continue to hope that fate will somehow bring us back together again and that we will be back in each other's arms forever. Until that day comes, I will cherish the memories we created, for they are a source of comfort and strength. Every shared laugh, every lingering glance, and every whispered promise remains etched in my heart, a testament to the bond we once had. Love, I believe, has its way of finding those who are truly meant to be. Perhaps the universe is simply waiting for the perfect moment to realign our paths, teaching us lessons in patience and resilience along the way. We may be apart now, but I trust that the thread that connects us is unbreakable, stretching across time and distance until it pulls us together again.

My reunion with him in year November 2024 was the happiest day of my life. But, alas, the reunion was short-lived and was unsettling for we were without a permanent home.  I wanted so much to take care of him and get us a cozy home together but we were getting nowhere and the temporary place that he was putting up with a Cambodian family at the pineapple farm in Stueng Treng was getting more problematic as the pineapple project that he was working on seems to be getting nowhere. 

Now, I am all alone again. I feel so vulnerable without him by my side.  Despite this loneliness, I’ve started to focus on small steps to rebuild my life and find a sense of stability. With each passing day, I try to channel my energy into meaningful activities, such as, exploring creative pursuits, and finding ways to support myself emotionally. It’s not an easy journey, but I am learning to embrace this solitude as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. While the pain of separation lingers, I hold onto the hope that brighter days lie ahead and that this chapter will ultimately lead to strength and resilience I never knew I had.

The incident that caused my separation from Mark was deeply distressing and traumatic.

I'm unsure if I will ever fully recover from it.

In addition to the emotional turmoil, the impact of this separation extended into my daily life, affecting my mental health and overall well-being. The constant reminders of our shared experiences haunted me, making it difficult to focus on work or engage in social activities. I found myself living a very isolating and lonely life due to my separation from Mark, which only intensified my feelings of sadness and loneliness. Mark had brought so much joy to my lonely life and only for it to be taken away from me. It became evident that healing would require time and an effort on my part to forgive him.

I guess, even though I am upset with him, I miss him deeply and long to be with him again. The complexity of our emotions is often overwhelming; love and frustration coexist, creating a whirlwind of feelings that are hard to navigate. The moments we shared, filled with laughter and connection, linger in my mind, drawing me back to a time when everything felt right. As I reflect on our relationship, I realise that the bond we formed is not easily forgotten, reinforcing the idea that true love can withstand even the toughest of times. Perhaps, in this struggle, there's an opportunity for growth and understanding that could eventually lead us back to each other, stronger than before.

Another essential aspect to consider is the role of communication in healing. Open dialogue can bridge the emotional gap that distance has created. By expressing our feelings, both the hurt and the longing, we create space for vulnerability and honesty, which are vital for rebuilding trust. This exchange not only helps clarify misunderstandings but also allows us to reconnect on a deeper level, fostering empathy and compassion. Through effective communication, we can explore the depths of our emotions and pave the way for reconciliation, reinforcing the foundation of our relationship.